Al Ngu       December 14, 2023

My philosophy of performing weddings as a Pastor

I am to officiate the ceremony in the presence of God in front of invited guests and families. In other words to be solemnized.

59-2. Christians should marry in the Lord; therefore it is fit that their marriage be solemnized by a lawful minister [1]

This is based on Genesis 2, when God brought Eve to Adam.

Genesis 2:22–23 (NIV) ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. ²³ The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”

This is a very important verse or I call it as the foundational principle of marriage, the goal and meaning of it. God brought the woman to the man. That will be the basis of foundational principle of the union between a man and a woman. Its God who brought them together. Not by human effort only. The divine providence and human responsivity working together.  Therefore a flourishing marriage will have to be a God centered marriage. In fact, there is no other definition of marriage. So how would God bring nonbelieving people together? Or one believing person, while the other is not? It would not make sense.

Also marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman before God . It’s not a contract, but a covenant in God’s presence, who also instituted his covenant through the bread and wine with us by our Lord Jesus in the last supper, which we celebrate in all churches monthly if not weekly.

“The covenant made between a husband and a wife is done ‘before God’ and therefore with God as well as the spouse. To break faith with your spouse is to break faith with God at the same time.” [2]

Therefore I would only conduct marriage:

Between two believers, and of course, it will be between a man and a woman, as in the design of God’s bringing a woman to the man. Not two women to one man, but one to one. So in order for marriage to flourish, God will have to be the centrality. Not only that:

²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

There will be a leaving of parents and cleaving to his wife in marriage, and that’s from the bible which also prophetically points to the ultimate marriage between Christ and the church.

Logically therefore I would refuse to perform a wedding ceremony to be solemnized in the presence of our Almighty God if they are not believers in Christ and walking in their faith in Christ. Also I will not conduct a wedding ceremony for any other violations of what God instituted as marriage like same sex marriage, as He brought a woman to the man.

BOCO writes: 59-3. Marriage is to be between one man and one woman, in accordance with the Word of God. [3]

Ceremony, music and photography:

Should point to the joyous uniting of a man and a woman as a covenantal way. Commitment is the message in the love and providence of God. Music worship songs should reflect that.

Reflect on your research and develop a personal plan for performing a wedding ceremony

I will quote this verse as a wonderful shower of blessing and joy and confidence to the joyous couple in the presence of the witnesses, friends, and families.

“ The Lord bless you, and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace (Numbers 6:24-26).[4]

I will also read out the scriptures of the call of God for the husband’s duty towards his wife, and also the wife’s duty towards her husband as in this wonderful, glorious verses.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:26). “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

The happiness contemplated by this union is realized only by those who fully appreciate its sacredness and are faithful in the performance of the mutual obligations growing out of it, and seek daily God’s blessing.[5]

I will expound the significance of this sentence from BOCO which says beautifully that a married couple’s happiness is realized only by those who fully appreciate its sacredness.[6] Marriage is sacred, and therefore it means God is in the center of our blessed marriage, and hence sacred and holy. It’s not some kind of play around, and try around ritual, but a lifelong covenantal commitment.

Also, it says happiness only realized by those who are faithful in the performance of the mutual obligations growing out of it, and see daily God’s blessings. I believe such performance of mutual obligations is only possible as the couple both seek daily God’s blessings. [7]

Finally, as BOCO puts it that the new relation is consecrated by heaven’s benediction. Consecrated means set apart for God and hallowed by all that is tenderest and truest in human affection.[8] I love it that it’s a combination of God’s blessing and consecration, and also blessed by the tender and true human affections. It’s important that couples express their affections towards one another continually through their lives.

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[1] THE BOOK OF CHURCH ORDER OF THE PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH IN AMERICA, 59-2

[2]  Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage, p 83

[3] Ibid, 59-3

[4] Ibid, Appendix A

[5] Ibid, Appendix A

[6] Ibid, Appendix A

[7] Ibid, Appendix A

[8] Ibid, Appendix A