Things will just get better. If it’s not, there will always be something else that bugs you because its craving to get your attention, affection. And if you don’t get that, you lose your pease and joy because that’s what you want, and that you put that thing above God. That’s what Augustine called as “Disordered love”. It is not that you don’t love God, but you love something else more than God in your life at times. At times, you are fine. It’s just something, you need to struggle through. Like career, passion, lust, money etc., definitely something to get right before God. There is no black and white answer, but it’s a heart condition and leading of the Spirit. That’s why love the Lord with all your HEART, not just mind.
Augustine struggled a lot over his anguish over his struggle over lust for women, to dedication to the Lord. He feels guilty and shamed about himself, and his anguish knows no bound. The intensity of that is pulpable.
If you are not struggling over your love for God or others at all, you probably have not stepped into the meaning of love the Lord with all your heart and mind. Struggle is common and a given in our carnal bodies and mind. Our hearts are depraved, we need the Spirit of God and grace of God working in our lives to deliver us. In fact I would argue that a deeper anguish and struggle in a person’s life over this, is probably a good indication of a deeper work of the Holy Spirit working in his or her life. Because it goes deeper, and hence the deeper struggle. However, a superficial struggle or no struggle at all, worse still, it’s not a good sign, it simply means that you haven’t opened up much tot eh Lord. He is not yet very much Lord over your life, in which case. If so, there is some meditation, retrospection to go through in your life, as we all are , from time to time, I am sure. So no shame, no guilt, but it’s something we need to acquire for sure. It’s for the soul sanity and peace.
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